Unconscious Awareness
Many people do not even realise that they are in a Narcissistic Abuse relationship - many do not even know that things are desperately and deeply wrong. Many just live day-to-day assigning a "reason" to every unkind or unreasonable behaviour without challenging it any further. Many look at things through the Narcissist's distorted lens as a result of repeated and insidious brain-washing and trauma-bonding, not realising that their perception has become skewed.
Narcissistic Red Flags
Below are a few of the warning signs that indicate potential problems or unhealthy dynamics in a relationship.
Recognising these in your relationship right now will help you on the journey ahead, as well as help you know what to look out for in the future.
Lack of Empathy
The ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
It allows us to connect, build relationships, and is the glue that binds human interactions together.
A lack of empathy, however, makes true emotional connection impossible, which is why relationships with narcissists often feel cold, shallow, and one-sided.
No Accountability
Refusal to accept responsibility for their actions, behaviours, or words.
This leaves the victim feeling confused, hurt, sometimes guilty, and often ending up apologising.
It controls the narrative to maintain power and emotional dominance over the victim.
Need for Control
The need to manipulate situations, relationships, and even perceptions to maintain dominance.
This is mostly subtle but can be overt (shown openly).
The need for control is at the core of Narcissistic Abuse.
Extreme Charm
Overwhelming attention, affection and praise.
Narcissists often present themselves as charismatic, confident, and highly engaging.
This behaviour is designed to draw the victim in and lower defences. Unlike healthy charm, which is authentic and reciprocal, extreme charm is a calculated strategy aimed at securing control and admiration.
Isolating You
Implemented gradually, they cut the victim off from friends and family, leaving no support network and them entirely dependant on the Narcissist for emotional validation and support.
They will subtly criticise those relationships, implying that certain friends or family members are not good for them.
By planting seeds of doubt (or outright lying) about loved ones, they manipulate the victim into believing that they can’t be trusted – or the victim just sees them less and less, simply to avoid any conflict.
Inconsistent Behaviour
When someone’s actions do not align with their words, or they behave in contradictory ways depending on the situation.
One moment the Narcissist may shower the victim with praise, and the next minute they might act as if they don’t exist.
The unpredictability makes it difficult to establish a sense of security or stability, and triggers anxiety, causing the victim to seek approval and reassurance.
This emotional whiplash causes a trauma bond (see below).
Trauma Bonding
A trauma bond refers to a profound emotional connection that develops in the context of an emotionally (and/or physically) exploitative relationship.
It typically involves a cycle of alternating affection and mistreatment, leading to a potent and enduring bond that can be challenging to sever.
There are 7 stages: Love-Bombing, Trust & Dependency, Criticism, Gaslighting, Resignation, Loss of Self and Emotional Addiction.
After prolonged abuse, the victim becomes psychologically addicted to their abusive relationship. This emotional addiction not only makes it harder for the victim to leave, but it makes it much more difficult to reclaim their independence, trust their own judgment, or feel safe and worthy in a healthy relationship again.
Narcissistic Mind Games
Below are a few of the mind games that Narcissist's use to gain control and brainwash you.
I will teach you how to recognise and deal with them.
Gaslighting
Psychological manipulation causing doubt of reality, memories, and sanity.
Love Bombing
A tactic designed to sweep the victim off their feet, making them feel the centre of their world.
Triangulation
A manipulation method involving a third party to create doubt or division between the victim and others, manipulating the victim’s perception of reality.
Projection
The Narcissist accuses the victim of negative behaviours that they are engaging in themselves, causing the victim to feel like they are doing something wrong.
Blame-Shifting
Shifting blame onto the victim, causing them to feel responsible for the Narcissist’s behaviour.
Hoovering
A tactic to try and suck the victim back into their orbit to re-establish control, causing confusion and disorientation as it plays on the human need for connection.
Please Note...
It is important to be aware that it is very common not to be able to recognise or see any these in your own relationship. They are very easily disguised, and very easily reasoned away.
As time passes, and your knowledge and understanding of Narcissistic Abuse increases, you will begin to see what is - or has been - lying underneath. It can be frightening, and hard to accept. It is common to feel that life has been a lie. This can be very upsetting and confusing.
With the right support, the right guidance, and the right tools, you will become free and you will heal.
Relationships built on trauma bonds do not – and cannot – transform into healthy and loving dynamics, no matter how much work you put into them.
This coaching is for you if...